summer haiku – the loons’ howls = les hurlements des huards REVISED

buoyed over lakes
the loons’ howls warbling
through the thunderstorm

loons warbling revised 620

survolant les lacs
les hurlements des huards
pendant l’orage

Richard Vallance

I have changed the second and third lines of the English version this haiku from the original:

the loons’ warbling howls
in the thunderstorm

in order to convey the subtler feeling that the howls of the loons pierce through the thunderstorm from their direction, while simultaneously we as humans hear their warbling howls from the other direction through the thunderstorm.  The word “through” renders the howling bidirectional. Moreover, by reversing “warbling howls” to “howls warbling”, “warbling” is transformed from an adjective to an active present participle, making it verbal instead of merely attributive. All of this goes to show that every single word and moreover, the position of every single word in any haiku has an enormous influence on the impact of the haiku on the reader.